Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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