remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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