i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
