Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
