Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm too high and old for this...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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