Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
