so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
