people are starting to question the shark bite story
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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