you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
