I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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