I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
