laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
