And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Randomize
