everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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