he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
