We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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