he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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