Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
