Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
