Screwed.edu
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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