If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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