hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
BRING THE BAGELS
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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