If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
