You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
