why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
