To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
