No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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