Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
