So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
