i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
