woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
