best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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