the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
