i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Randomize
