guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
