why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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