Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
