His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You pole danced in your parka.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
