Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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