we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
