so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
