I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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