Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
