I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
