I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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