I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize