party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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