a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
