I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I want a musical about memes.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize