what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
vagina is talking i cant
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
