So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
a search helicopter?!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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