You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
