thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
