Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
