he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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