Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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