um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
