note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
