everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
