I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
