White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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