it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
