i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize