so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
